Kids say the darn toot'n'est things!!!

STORY OF ELIJAH
The Sunday school teacher was carefully
explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false
prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the
altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it
upon the altar. Then, Elijah commanded the people of God
to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar.
He had them do this four times. "Now, said the teacher,
"can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah
pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little
girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I
know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"

LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how
Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when
little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she
was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a
telephone pole!"

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class
the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten,
robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in
vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then,
she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside,
all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A
thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, saying "I think
I'd throw up."

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do
you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the
Ark?" "No," replied David. "How could he, with just two
worms?"

HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children,
" We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in
Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can
anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out,
"Aces!"

MOSES & THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother
what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told
us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a
rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When
he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge
and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed
headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow
up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved". "Now,
Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother
asked. "Well, no, Mom, but, if I told it the way the
teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her
young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the
Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn
the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but,
he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice,
he could barely get past the first line. On the day that
the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the
congregation, Rickey was very nervous When it was his
turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The
Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."
Church Smiles

There was a very gracious lady who was
mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of
the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked
the postal clerk. The lady replied "Only the Ten
Commandments".

There is the story of a pastor who got up one
Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and
bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay
for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still
out there in your pockets."

While driving in Pennsylvania , a family
caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage
obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of
the carriage was a hand printed sign ... "Energy efficient
vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in
exhaust".

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very
young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter
answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day,
the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that
morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not
afraid, thy comforter is coming."

POEM
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.